The Lost Secret of Endings - by Doug Marman

[Ben]

These are all beautiful stories, and thanks. After reading all the stories here I can't help but wander why the subject of 'death' is such a taboo. To hear of death from others helps to give confidence, a confidence in the beyond. I'm starting to wander that it is a shame not to share such beautiful stories.

Maybe 'death' is the wrong word. Like for some God is a word that makes them cringe but they have no problem in talking about a Divine Universe or something else, as long as you don't mention the word God. Could it be the word 'death' needs a sugar coating change so that people will accept it better.

If we don't delve into Death I suppose we'll never really get to know it and ignorance will remain. A bit like the subject of sex, not many want to talk about it or delve into it and so it remains in a type of immature state and by not talking about it or getting to understand it, it seems that society has become more obsessed in it. Not talking about death or getting to understand it, maybe, is creating some type of obsessed fear of it.

It is not as if there is nothing much to say about it, reincarnation, hypnotic regresssion, out of body experience, seeing deceased relatives, near death experiences, mediums, shamans, the above stories, and the list goes on. There are many valid experiences by people in all the above subjects, that are worth considering, especially if we combine them all, yet our lips remain closed. This begs the question has the religion of science left much of humanity hollow and afraid since it discredits this valuable evidence?

I am fortunate enough to find a book called 'Meetings at the Edge' by Stephen Levine that deals with this subject. It is a series of dialogues with the Grieving and the Dying, the Healing and the Healed. I,ve only read the first 2 stories. One woman who was experiencing her 9 year old daughter dying of cancer after losing her husband and 2 other children of cancer came to the conclusion at the end of the story that death is not the enemy, fear is. When she went beyond her fear the whole experience became more alive. I think this will be a common thread in the rest of the book and also that quote by Rebazar in Jerry's post about a harmony between pain and pleasure, is sensed in this story.

I for one, now feel more stimulated to talk about death after starting and reading other's stories. To what I've seen death can be a truly beautiful experience and it looks like it is for many others also, that is, beautiful for the living and the 'dead', maybe a different word is needed; for the living and the 'more alive', that sounds better.

When i read Jerry's beautiful poetic description of music and endings, I wandered about a melody of posts on the subject and it has become a reality, a wonderful melody of posts. A Buddhist Monk I am reading about who at times speaks at funerals in Australia has after many funerals worked up the courage to say a joke at the end of his talk and his fear of being scorned for telling a joke at a funeral never came to fruition. He actually found that people welcome a bit of humor. I think he has caught the melody also.

It is interesting Razon about you moving out of town and other changes after your mother died, I did the same when my brother died, it was like an end of an era. Gone with the old and in with the new. New friends, new job, new location, I had actually planned this before my brother got sick but his death made it all one big ending.

Thanks to all.

The End. And looking forward to it.

[razon_dorado]

Hi all !

peaceful endings have a celebrational effect on all, those left behind – those who leaving. Therefore I don't like to use “died / death” , that crack sound. That - in common languages its a one syllable word - marks sharply a sudden event change. It is that mainstream concept crystallized in a single word: the grim reaper is coming and doing his job, merciless. Poof, fini, aus und vorbei. [out and over] morto,

something inside me is fighting against it … maybe its that following picture I have.
When I was young, less than 10 years old, I was very interested in the Titanic, so I watched many old stories from survivors and they often told the same stuff: how cruel, sad, icy, brutal etc it was. But I kept wondering how was I connected to it. Many many years later I had an extreme vivid dream: It was an icy cold but clear night, the sky was full of glimmering stars and “I” was swimming with all my power towards the life boats meanwhile the ship of all ships was in her last breath. But the night with its freezing temperature and the ridden panic vacuumized the cries for help. Realizing “that would be it“. I heard a voice saying that it will be ok to give up. Its neither a shame nor a loss, its just it. - not having fought up to the very end like a warrior would have done because only losers die but fighters will make it through the end … that idea of life keeps me nowadays interesting in all kinds of survival tricks/issues. - So I did. And the body was quickly sinking into deeper waters, different layers of temperatures and indeed I had no regrets when I left the scene completely.

I am still a fighter and sometimes I think it would be a fantastic idea to go to the hospitals and give the hopeless some laughters, well I didn't dare to do it yet - it needs strength to see stuff like this and laugh.

[Doug Marman]

Ben,

I like the term "more alive" for those who pass over. That seems so right.

I also agree on the need for more open talk on this subject. It does seem to have a healing affect.

Thanks.

Doug.

[Doug Marman]

Razon,

Your story of the Titanic and hearing that whisper when you were near death that it was okay to let go, reminds me of something I wrote about in my book The Silent Questions.

It was about my experience of inwardly helping those who were near death from disasters. I discovered that there is actually a place you can go to where assignments are handed out for those who know how to Soul Travel, and there are a lot of beings who are there to help and whisper those words to help people cross over.

There is a lot more assistance than people realize, especially during disasters. While the outer scene can seem like a vacuum, as you say, and a total destruction, as we've seen in Haiti, there is also a strange inner calm that can be felt from all the inner help going on.

Thanks.

Doug.

[m_t_seh]

Hello everyone,

Military service where I go is mandatory, therefore almost all young people (except some with special circumstances) must go. In my country in the past it was called Mandatory. Before I go for military service, I heard my friends saying what happened to them during their military time. Their despair, their feeling of being helpless to do the least they could do for their future and so on. I somehow ignored them, telling myself, I can do what is best for me for the moment during the military. When I started, in relatively hard circumstances of military, gradually I also started to feel the emotional despair and tension, the tension grew, resulting in some choices I made which destroyed one of my life facets that i had out of military.

It's two weeks that I am temporarily out of military circumstances, during this two weeks i was wandering about my failure. I understood that starting military service was the end of my activities that my mind structure really relied on them, what i did from waking up to sleeping, that i couldn't do during military was so hard to lose and end that reflected in my deep despair. I understood that i was and maybe still am, so dependent to my activities that their end came as a disaster for my mind. Even what I wore, my cell phone which was not with me anymore during those two month, I was dependent to them. It was funny for me to hear my friends despair. But i saw my bad side showed up during the time my mind thought his efficient activities are ended. And this bad side destroyed my beautiful relationship with whom I loved the most. That was another end.

Reading your posts, made me see that it is not the worst endings I had, and it will not be the last. Starting to see these ending as a part of life makes me feel that I can accept them. And accept the rest of my military MANDATORY service much better. It was like going higher to see all this problems, as soul travel is.

Thanks to all, Doug, razon_dorado, Ben, rfpickett and Jerry.

m_t_seh

[Doug Marman]

Dear m_t_seh,

What a great example of seeing the secret in endings. Thanks for sharing this.

There are often events in our lives that come and bring an end to the life we knew. It is not only death, as you are pointing out. It can be the end of a relationship, or a job, or lost friendships.

We can lose everything, but if we still have the inner connection with life, then it shows how much more important that is. Everything else comes to an end one day, but our connection with life goes on.

This is exactly why endings teach us so much.

Thanks for sharing.

Also, remember that if you are with a lot of other people who are depressed, that it is natural to feel this as well, since we are all connected. The things that people feel around us will also affect us. This means we take on some of these feelings to go through the experience with them, and this in fact is a way of helping them.

So, this can also be a chance to help, and by going through this with others and looking for the spiritual experience in it, you will be helping them.

Take care.

Doug.

[razon_dorado]

Hi, Dear All,

I am really amazed and happy to read all your different comments, and the more I think about this subject the I more it feels like being an explorer, being Amundsen [the first who reached the south pole etc] and so on.

This subject is neither positive nor negative ... there is more to it, to compare it with colors. its gray.
Its neither black nor white: gray. and in this hue all colors are embedded, which makes gray suddenly much more interesting, different, a pivotal point, as each color fits into it / to it.

Thank you all !